You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
