When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Pooping to opera.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
