Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
