Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
