My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
