So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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