You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
