Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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