ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
