And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
