then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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