Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
