I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
