I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
