So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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