The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
