I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
