I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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