The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
