This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
