Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
