her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
