I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
