Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
