he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
