Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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