She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
