I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
