my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
