well you can't waste a boner
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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