I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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