im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
