i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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