i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
