i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
