pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
