its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
