Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
