I just pynch a tree in the face
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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