i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
