I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
