ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
