Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
