why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
