Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
