dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
