Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
