You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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