no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
