I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
