the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
