isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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