So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
