Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
