Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
