Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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