I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
