Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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